Every year around my birthday, I like to reflect and write about the year I’ve had and the year I want to have. This time I wanted to get creative with my reflections and explore the ideas of gratefulness for past challenges and self-fulfilling prophecies. I’ve written two letters to myself — one letter for the person I was 5 years ago, and the other letter written by the person I will be, 5 years from now.
Dear 2014 Michelle,
Happy birthday 🙂 You’ve been alive for almost a quarter of a century! I know you feel really old right now but trust me… You’ve still got a lot of years and life left to live, and a lot more to look forward to.
This has been a year of growing pains. I know every year has felt like that, but this has been your toughest yet. It’s been your first real foray into the world of adults. There are no grades to aim for anymore — you’ve already achieved that! Now, you have a lot more freedom to pursue whatever you wish. You also have a lot more responsibilities. You’re realizing that your actions don’t just affect you anymore; they have the power to affect the people around you. You’re also starting to see that despite your most innocent intentions, some of your actions potentially have great consequences. Your anxiety level is through the roof! I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. I know you’re second-guessing every move you make, but even though it feels like you keep making mistake after mistake, you’re actually dealing with things quite well. You’re learning from your mistakes very quickly and rectifying them as soon as you can, and as best as you are able. No one is born knowing exactly how to maneuver every situation, so be gentle with yourself and don’t beat yourself up for not having the foresight to know what you know now. Your mistakes don’t make you a bad person — they just make you human.
Girl, you are putting in the WORK. It’s hard to believe we’re the same person — how are you working so much and not completely burning out?? Honestly, I wish I currently still had the drive that you have! You’ve been putting in a lot of 50+ hour weeks this year. There’s been weeks where you didn’t even take a single day off from work. I admire how focused you are. You understand all this is temporary. You know that while this isn’t a sustainable lifestyle in the long run, you’re doing it now so that your future self (a.k.a. me) will thank you later. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you. It’s not easy to constantly be pushing yourself out of your comfort zone; and I do wish that you didn’t have to neglect all other parts of your life just to achieve this end goal we had in mind, but had you not done the work then we wouldn’t be where we are now. And where we are now is definitely a life to be grateful for. The efforts you’re putting in is not for naught.
You are normally sooo boy crazy. You usually love having someone to be infatuated about 😛 This year though, you don’t have the brain space to think about them, let alone think about dating. Good for you girl! You’re making the most of being single. You know you’re not missing out on anything, and you understand you don’t need to be in a relationship to enjoy your life. Keep living your life to the fullest and sharing your joy, because that is what people will love about you in the future (and what those around you already love about you now). You are whole all on your own, and when the time comes, you’ll want to be with someone who has done the work and become whole on their own as well.
Just because you’re not currently dating doesn’t mean you don’t know what it feels like to have your heart break. Breaking up with friends feels awful. You’re learning that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. If it’s not healthy and you no longer feel good about a relationship – be it platonic or romantic – you have to let it go and just be thankful for the experiences shared. Wait and see how many more wonderful people will come into your life soon. And look at how many are still around you! You are always surrounded by so much love, and you’ll continue to feel that everywhere you go.
Michelle, you are an eternal optimist at heart. No matter what trials life brings you, you always keep the end goal in sight and remain confident that things work out the way they’re meant to in the end. Part of that optimism stems from your faith. Although it has been wavering these last few years, deep down you want to believe in something greater than yourself. The beauty of spiritual growth is in the process. Remain curious. Don’t stop reflecting or asking the “big” questions. While you will never have all the answers, continue to seek them out and remember that we are all spiritual beings having human experiences.
This upcoming year is going to be a great one for you. You’re experiencing so much growth that sometimes it doesn’t “feel” great in the moment, but trust that these experiences are shaping you to become the person you’re meant to be. Despite your anxieties, know that you are a strong person. You are capable of handling whatever life throws at you. And, don’t forget what a great support system you have. Your plans this year won’t turn out the way you envisioned them, because of course they never do… but when you look back you’ll realize it was better than you could ever have imagined it to be. While I can’t tell you specific details about what’s going to happen next, I will give you one fun spoiler about your future (because you’ll find out next week anyway). Yes, you will finally get to see One Direction in person 🙂
Have a wonderful 24th birthday!
Love,
2019 Michelle ❤
Lives for Mondays. 